President Donald Trump keeps touting great employment numbers, all while he sends more of his own staff to the unemployment line. The chaos reigns supreme in Donald-land and As The Donald Turns brings you “Unemployment Figures.”
As The Donald Turns; Unemployment Figures
- Of course, Tuesday Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was told to “please see the folks at HR,” for his final papers. There are reports Tillerson was warned last Friday by Chief of Staff John Kelly that it was coming. But Tillerson was on official assignment in Africa, making peace for Donald’s “s-hole” comments. Then he gets back and sees Donald make the announcement via Twitter, adding Tillerson to the Unemployment Figures.
Tillerson came to the job with zero credentials, which made him mostly the same as much of Donald’s cabinet. He had only negotiated deals on behalf of Exxon, but had no insight as to international diplomacy. Still, after 13 months he turned out to be one of the least offensive of the Gang of Fools. Sure, it is a low bar, but he was clearing it. Yet, he pissed Donald off by actually believing there should be negotiations with North Korea before the president of the United States goes running there, lip gloss in hand. He stood with the British Prime Minister, Interpol, The US Foreign Intelligence agencies and MI5, that the Russians were involved in the poisoning of two dissidents living in England. That was the bridge too far for Donald, who would not believe mounds of international proof against his BFF Vladimir, and Rex had to go.
- Unemployed White House spokesperson Sean Spicer paid tribute to Tillerson on Twitter:
@seanspicer verified account.
“Secretary Tillerson is a true patriot that has severed our nation well. Thank you for serving. Mike Pompeo will be an outstanding Secretary of State – the Senate should act swiftly to confirm him”
Yes, Tillerson “severed” our nation. Let us all thank him. No wonder Sparkle Pony continues to be in the Unemployment Figures.
- Steve Goldstein hit the bricks Tuesday. He was Tillerson’s assistant. He dared to contradict the administration’s BS version of the Tillerson firing. Donald, before he left for rainy CA, said he and Tillerson had been discussing this departure for some time. That of course was complete rubbish. Goldstein set the record straight and was promptly added to the Unemployment Figures.
- John McEntee became an Unemployment Figure this week. Donald’s personal assistant was fired and escorted from the White House after being denied a security clearance over financial problems in his background, according to people close to the former aide. Seems as though he was using White House computers to satisfy an online gambling problem. No tears for McEntee though. He already has a new job. He has been hired by Donald’s 2020 re-election campaign. Seriously. As Robert Mueller has proven over the last year, Donald has no problem employing fraudulent crooks in his campaign. As Mueller has also proven, there is not likely to be a 2020 re-election campaign, so there is that.
- James Schwab is an Unemployment Figure, of his own choosing. He would like a job with dignity and honesty. What was his previous job? Spokesperson for the San Francisco office of ICE. You may remember a few weeks when the Oakland mayor appeared to have, on tv, tipped people off that ICE raids were imminent. Donald, and Attorney General Elf Jeff Sessions claimed that at least 800 fugitives got away as a result. Schwab could not swallow the lie.
“I quit because I didn’t want to perpetuate misleading facts,” Schwab told the San Francisco Chronicle. “I asked them to change the information and told them that the information was wrong, they asked me to deflect, and I didn’t agree with that. Then I took some time and I quit. We were never going to pick up that many people. To say that 100 percent are dangerous criminals on the street, or that those people weren’t picked up because of the misguided actions of the mayor, is just wrong.” Schwab learned that integrity, truth and the current DOJ are just not the American way.
- Veteran’s Administration Secretary David Shulkin is likely to be collecting an unemployment check soon. Donald vowed to do more for veteran’s than any other administration ever. Shulkin was going to be his guy. To this point, Donald and the VA have accomplished exactly bubkis. Mostly because Shulkin has been busy using staff to do personal shopping and home decorating for him.
You know who is going to get his job? Current Energy Secretary Rick Perry. We feel sorry for Perry. He just now learned that his energy department is in charge of the country’s nuclear arsenal and now he has to go to deal with sick and wounded veterans, at the same time he has his own significant memory lapses. We know Rick. It sounded like fun to have mental cramps with the nuclear systems, but a new task beckons.
- Hey, you know who is coming off the Unemployment Figures? Katrina Pierson!!! Yeah!! I know how excited we all are. Indeed, the convicted shoplifter who made a name for herself by making a fool of herself on tv during the 2016 campaign has been hired by…wait for it….the 2020 Trump campaign!!!!
She has been pretending to work for some group called America First Policies, where she is currently listed as the only employee, after all the founders left six months after starting it. Now she is going to be a pretend senior advisor for the pretend campaign that may or may not happen.
For those looking to get out of the Unemployment Figures, we have a suggestion…that is if you are a Steve Miller Band kind of Space Cowboy. Donald, in Southern California, addressed the military and talked about the big military spending that was coming. He suggested that maybe there was a new way to spend some of it.
“I said, maybe we need a new force, I was not really serious, but now I’m thinking that’s a great idea. We’re making a Space Force. Tremendous.”
Yes, a Space Force for all the intergalactic terrorism and illegal immigrants that must be battled. Next, he will be looking at prototypes for a Space Wall. Employment offices will be opening soon. Donald may apply as he will be looking for work.